For what its worth

I know that life can never be what it was a second ago. It can be similar , but never the same. Feeling once felt, pleasures once had are all just imprints on one's hearts. One tries to erase the bad imprints that were caused by actions that can not be undone, words that can't go back and situations that scar your heart forever. One may try to hide it and one can surely do a good job. But its just hiding, not erasing. All this makes those special moments even much more valuable than they seem to be. The fact that you are not going to retain it, it's surely going to change. The same reason should apply to why people should not feel too low when down because it's surely going to change.

It fears me, to the extent of breaking me many times over that I can not try to hide a portion of my scars. One tries to fool himself , tries real hard, and it does work because there's no way that a logical heart would ever live for more than second. If for ever I try being logical, there is absolutely no way that one would put one's life on for some permanent bliss to arrive someday. But you convince yourself that there is just one little tiny portion of your existence that you would secure one day and it would stay as good as ever even if the rest of your existence changes upside down. The only logic in this wait for bliss is ....."It needs to happen just once".

And for what it's worth I will always be there waiting :)

The insecure self

There is no lie more clear than not accepting being insecure. The fact remains very clear that when God decided to give man courage, he gave him that only to cover up his enormous fears; he gave him clarity of thought and logic, but only to cover up for his emotional blindness and fantastical whims. Although in some cases ( only some) is a person not consciously aware of what are the things that he/she feels insecure about at that point in his/her life. On most other cases the nonacceptance of insecurity is mostly either a blatant lie or a defence mechanism or a vigorous attempt to keep one's mind being plunged into his deepest fears. All of these methods are used by every human and are ought to be accepted by every other considerate human being.
So according to yours truly, the existence of insecurity is not a problem at all that needs to be addressed. But then why is there a negative connotation that is always attached to this universal feeling. Well the reason is again one of the most common reasons ever known to man: "mediation". Whenever any human trait, characteristic, folly or evil instinct is controlled and mediated by the rest of the human traits, there is no problem. The problem comes when only if the insecurity encroaches into spheres that it shouldn't. One of those areas that really should be kept safe from most insecurities is 'trust' in the people you truly love. One can be insecure about his lack of talents, his habits or lack of confidence. But what can truly hurt a man's life beyond any comparable limit, is the insecurity in trusting people that make your existence.

Talking about the insecurity areas of your's truly ( Since I do not fear talking about them, just feel insecure about them). Well the greatest fear that I have in my life right now is not knowing my next step. If one's life has never been too unpredictable, then its quite natural to assume to become into a person who knows his ways around this world based on his preconceived answers to most of life's problems. i think today more than ever I feel that i really am very close to losing that vision for my life. I knew what things I wanted, the people that make my life worth living, the feelings that i seek more desperately than others, the things that are indispensable over all the rest. I knew all those till now. And even when i had new situations, they were easy in the way that one could apply some other preconceived answer to this new situation. But it seems that when one of your most defining attributes is shaken, one ought to feel that fear of "I don't know if life's ever going to be that figured out again"